dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
