i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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