Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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