He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
