We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
