Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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