i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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