I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
