They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
