Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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