if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
