Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
