i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
