marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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