its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
