marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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