Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
two words: eviction party
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
