The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
