So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
