Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
