She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
