My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
