how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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