people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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