i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
