She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
