just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
