im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
