You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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