Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
