i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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