I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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