does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
