is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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