Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
