check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
