It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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