I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
