I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
