yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
