This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
