walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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