You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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