Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize