my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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