The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think my vagina is haunted
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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