I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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