And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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