I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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