There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
