You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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