So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
