I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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