she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
