She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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