you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
