He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
