do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
