meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
