Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
