First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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