I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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