Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
