you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
