is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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