Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
