My underwear smells like fireworks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
