Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
