The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
