I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
