I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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