For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
