oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize